I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize