apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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