I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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