moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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