I think my fart just growled at me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
