Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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