his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
