I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
