Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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