I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
