It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Say something about gay babies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
