sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
