Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
