I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
