I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
