Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize