I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize