Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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