I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
