i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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