you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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