so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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