I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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