I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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