I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
