Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
