my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they need to just BURY HIM!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
