well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
