11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
