What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
