Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
