Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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