Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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