Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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