did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
