I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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