The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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