just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize