oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
they need to just BURY HIM!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize