So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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