You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
