you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
