we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My dick has a subreddit
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
