I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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