Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You did what with his pubic hair?
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