so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
