i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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