I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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