there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
