shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
