remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
