Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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