Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
