is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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