dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
