worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
