i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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