I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
