Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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