I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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