my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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