How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
