I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
