Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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