you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
