is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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