GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
