lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
