1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
