i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
