I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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