ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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