I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
