I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
