your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
