Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Where is the hickey?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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