When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
