Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
