dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
