I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Text me some of your sweat
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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