lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
