i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize