My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Where is the hickey?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
