I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
