Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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