I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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