I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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