Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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