Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
