I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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