No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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