This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
