Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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