what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
