If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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