I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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