i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize