She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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