VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
