You work out of a Hotel?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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