On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My ass is underappreciated
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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