her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
