We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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